Pride: I Deserve an Explanation
Prideful Thought: I deserve an explanation for what happened. He is my husband.
Truth: The Lord is God. He is trustworthy still and will show me what I need to know when I need to know it - for his glory.
Photo by Julien Riedel on Unsplash
We think we deserve it all. Especially when it comes to the ones we care about and love. It's easy for us to believe that we are entitled to certain rights with people who have our hearts. It was this way for me when my husband passed away. He was young. At only 43 years old, he faced health complications we didn't anticipate. This injustice felt huge for all of us who knew and loved him.
In my pain, grief, and love, I felt I deserved to know why. I've got to tell you, those why questions can swirl a person down into some pretty dark depths. In my search, God showed me my place. As much as I felt I deserved to know why, I certainly wasn't the first person to walk through these feelings.
In the Scriptures, there is a story about a man named Job who experienced massive and tremendous loss.
Loss of Wealth: (Job 1:13-17)
Loss of Servants: (Job 1:15-17)
Loss of Children: (Job 1:18-19)
Physical Suffering: (Job 2:7)
Social Rejection: (Job 2:11-13)
Mental Agony: (Job 7:11)
He pursued God and pleaded with God for answers. In Job 13:3, "As for me, I would speak directly to the Almighty. I want to argue my case with God himself. "And in Job 13:20-28, Job speaks honestly with his deeply shattered heart asking all his challenging questions. And God answered. He answered with questions asking Job where he was when God created and formed the world. In the series of questions God responds to Job with, Job is fully aware now of his place in all of this. Job's response shows his humbled heart,
"Then Job replied to the Lord: "I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You asked, 'Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. You said, 'Listen, and I will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.' I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance." Job 42:1-6
I recognize that I am a child of God. So is Rich, my late husband. If anyone has a right to answers, it's God himself. He's the One who loves us and carries us in His heart and in the palm of His hands. He is the One who loves us the most. He gave the greatest sacrifice for us to be with Him. I had the privilege and honor of loving one of God's own as my husband while on this earth. For a time, we shared life and love. Rich belongs to God first. I can trust God because He loves us each with the greatest love possible.
I can also trust that God will show me what I need to know when I need to know it - whatever He is willing to show me. God is the most intentional of all in handling these things. In First Timothy, we see a reminder of God's way and power.
"There is only one God, and Christ Jesus is the only one who can bring us to God. Jesus was truly human, and he gave himself to rescue all of us. God showed us this at the right time. " 1 Timothy 2:5-6
Just as God revealed Jesus to us at the right time, I can trust and rest in knowing that God will show me what He wants me to see and know in my personal life at the right time as well. I can trust His character to be steady and consistent. (Malachi 3:6)
And so, I let go. I release the notion of entitlement because of my love for Rich. I surrender this love to God and receive His love for me. It's not easy. And some days, I make this choice in my heart multiple times. That's alright. I'm human and continue to remind myself that God is the King of the Universe - I am not.
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“God showed us this at the right time.”
1 Timothy 2:6 CEV
“Then Job replied to the Lord: ‘I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I — and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. You said, ‘Listen and I will speak! I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.’ I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I have said, and I sit in dust to show my repentance.’”
Job 42:1-6 NLT