What Happened?
Photo by the Bible App on Matthew 28:20
The Lord is good.
“God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help, No matter how desperate the trouble.” - Nahum 1:7 (MSG)
“‘These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”’ John 16:33 (NKJV)
“Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” - Matthew 28:20 (NLT)
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Read those scriptures again.
God is good. He is here with us in all our troubles and pain. Jesus told us we’d experience hardship and difficulty. And before He went back to Heaven after His death and resurrection, He encouraged His disciples to obey His commands and remember that He is always with us.
My hardships and circumstances don’t negate God. As easy as it would be to believe that lie, it’s not true. This could quickly become a much larger conversation in theology and philosophy about good and evil. However, I’m not here today to get into all of that. I’m here today to talk about what happened to my late husband, Rich.
I’ll tread these waters with care. For those who knew him personally, this may cause a trigger.
One of the most common questions for survivors of people who have passed away is, “What happened?”. This can be one of the most pain-filled questions people ask. People’s curiosity can sometimes be so unkind. When a person is in their later years, it’s easy to figure they died due to old age and to accept that the person lived a robust life. This assumption may or may not be accurate. Perhaps that is the case. Or maybe they lived a tough life and died due to a terrible disease or accident. Our internal sense of justice desires that if a person leaves this Earth, they go it in the best way possible. Living a long and fulfilling life, having loved and been loved by many, never having a need, having all their wits and capacities with them as they reach a ripe old age. Then one day, when they’re ready, they go to sleep one night and wake up in Heaven. Oh, how we love the ideal.
That’s often not the case. A person’s circumstances resulting in death can be complicated. The reason why a person we love has been removed from this Earth is heart-wrenching because it is the thing that took our loved ones away from us. Those who have experienced loss sometimes don’t want to discuss that. And then, sometimes, we feel it’s okay to talk about it because we feel ready, and it may be helpful for people to know.
I will share some of the critical factors that lead to Rich’s death.
A gastric (roux en y) bypass surgery in 2004 resulted in the malabsorption of nutrients in his body.
The surgery also caused a completely different experience with breaking down (or the lack of) alcohol anytime it entered the body.
Regular use of Tylenol and Ibuprofen affected his kidneys and liver.
Gradual progression of consuming alcohol nine years post-surgery.
All of these things became a burden on his organs which stressed his most critical organ, his heart.
He was 43 years old, only weeks away from age 44 when his heart stopped. We were married for 11 years and nine months. I’m writing this four years and ten months since he passed. It is taking me time to process, ingest and sort through the circumstances which took his life away. It was complicated, as I have alluded to in the above paragraphs.
He was a gastric bypass (roux en y) patient in 2004. He chose this surgery and went through a rigorous preparation protocol to ensure he was ready for this procedure and could maintain a healthy life. He did this because he believed it would save and extend his life. This was when bypass surgery was becoming more widely performed. His doctors advised him to stay away from alcohol for at least six months post-surgery. Since he’s passed away, I have learned that as time has passed, *research shows people who’ve had this surgery have a high percentage chance of developing an addiction to alcohol 6-8 years post-surgery. He was one of those. Neither of us could understand what was happening and how he was battling this. He was as bewildered as I was - as we all were. He seemed to be the last person who would struggle with this since he didn’t have any problems with it in his youth. And he loved his life! For years we kept this to ourselves because we are followers of Jesus, and we were concerned with how people might condemn him for this issue. Historically, the Christian community’s battle with alcohol or substance abuse is often blamed on moral failures. It’s shrouded in shame. This can make it very difficult for a person who loves and fears God to find adequate help. As time went on and the battle continued, it became apparent to those in our lives that a real struggle was happening. We all did everything we could to support, build him up, and help him. All of us surrounded him the best way we knew how. Still, his heart stopped.
In all of this, I have some beliefs about what happened.
Our relationships are what last forever.
God didn’t want this. This wasn’t His perfect design.
We are each responsible for our own decisions in this life.
God is with us in every season of joy and pain when we invite Him into it.
Scripture says, “The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” - Isaiah 57:1-2 (NIV)
I don’t know what evil he may have been spared from. I don’t know why bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Sometimes this life doesn’t make any sense. Wrestling with this, I’m learning that there are some things I won’t understand while walking this Earth. Some things I have to surrender and accept in my limited knowledge and understanding. Rich was taken from this Earth, from our lives far too early and in a most wretched way. He was/is a beautiful man who impacted every person he met, and now he continues his life in Heaven, away from us here on Earth. We can continue to live our lives here with that beautiful impact he left on us. For all of us who knew him, we are forever changed because of knowing him. More on that next week.
*Research sources: Alcohol & the Gastric Bypass Patient, Gastric Bypass Surgery, Alcohol Abuse AFter Bariatric Surgery Common, Concerning