From walking to swimming

Living a life pre-grief is much like walking. You learn how to do it at a young age. You grow in strength and stature. You even become comfortable and familiar with the resistance of gravity, keeping you on the ground. That's normal. 

Then, when you encounter grief, it's as though you're thrown into the water and forced to learn how to swim. At first, it's all panic! You're doing everything you can to keep from drowning. And the only real way to stop from drowning is to slow down, breathe, and move your arms and legs rhythmically. Then the more you release tension and let go, you can float and rest. But by now, you are far, far too way from shore, and can't even see it any longer. 

Now, there's no more walking. 

There is only swimming. 

And to swim, you must breathe. You are now breathing in stride while swimming because is the only way to get anywhere. And with this newfound resistance of water all around you, you have no other choice. Just keep swimming. You become tired and weary, and so you maneuver over to your back to begin floating to catch your breath and rest. But there's no more dry land.

If you're not careful, the exhaustion and resistance can pull you down into the depths. And there, you'll be at considerable risk of entirely losing yourself. But if you tend to yourself, do the work, rest well when tired, you find that you can keep on moving. The water, the resistance, the breathing, even the horizontal position is all a reminder that it will never again be the way it was. And every once and a while, you may find yourself near a sandbar or elevated surface under the water and find yourself vertical again and able to stand - though still submerged. It’s a vague sense of what life used to be like. Just not quite the same. 

Your new normal.