Pride: I can heal myself.
Prideful Thought: I can make anything happen. It's my own efforts that bring success and freedom. That's why I'm doing better.
Truth: I am only because God and Jesus are. My capabilities and healing come from Him alone. He is the only one who brings success and freedom. He is the one who restores.
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash
It's tempting to take our life into our own hands. And when we experience heart-wrenching, painfilled circumstances, for some, it can be easy to think that we can pull ourselves out of the pit.
Before Rich passed away, I began a journey to learn how to grow and improve how I handled life. We were going through some difficult things, and I wanted to do what I could to control whatever was within my realm of control. I learned I could only control myself. I'm not able to control or dictate how others behave and make choices in life. So I became an avid learner about a year and a half before he passed. I listened to hours of podcasts and watched sermons often. I read constantly and took in information from secular and Christian authors alike. I was convinced that I could make a difference. I could improve my situation solely by thinking about and handling myself.
The moment Rich died, I broke. I could barely breathe for a long while. I relied entirely on God and my community to survive from morning to night. And the nights were the worst. After some months, maybe even the first year and a half after he was gone, I began efforts to heal myself. I was relearning how to do everything and kept very busy with many recommended activities.
One day while walking through my living room, I felt like I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Stop trying to control your healing." It stopped me in my tracks. He showed me in a moment how I was becoming so self-reliant that I was pushing God out. I exhaled, relaxed my shoulders, and surrendered. I accepted that His lead was the best for my healing and that I couldn't force myself to improve. I had to rest in trusting God to direct me through the process of His way of healing. When I did, He began to show me things that I needed to do to walk out of His method of healing. Somedays, it was to book a therapy appointment; other days, it was reaching out to a friend to get coffee and talk; sometimes, it was me saying no to commitments and letting myself be home with no obligations. He presented a variety of things for me to do or not do at any given moment, and those were the activities (or lack of) that were important for me to heal. He was personally managing my healing journey. My life is best in His hands.
I don't heal myself. I surrender to His way, and since He's the creator of my body, spirit, soul - all I am, He's got the best methods to make me whole.
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"We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One."
2 Corinthians 10:5 TPT
"Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."
Galatians 5:25 NIV
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV