How is this possible? How are you not here?

Almost every morning I wake up, one of the first thoughts I have is this: How is this possible? How are you not here?

It must be that searching thing inside me that keeps on happening. I’m still shocked that you’re not living here on the earth with me anymore. Still, I have moments when I feel you’re he near me, that you haven’t vanished, that you may be coming back…but all too quickly, I know that you’re not coming back. In a split second, it’s sad. It’s painful. There really is something in the body, soul, and brain that just doesn’t understand how you’re not here anymore.

Adapting has a completely different meaning to me now. It’s not just adjusting to changes in life that used to seem significant and challenging. It’s learning a completely new existence. It’s coming into a new and different planet that never was before. It’s learning an entirely new way of communicating with myself and the people around me.

But you always maintained the greatest confidence in me. You told me that I’m stronger than I realize, can learn anything and have a higher pain tolerance than I think. You always believed in me. You knew I could do anything I set my focus on. You always knew I’m surrounded by love and support and that brought you comfort. You always knew no matter what life presented to me, I would be okay.

So I’m holding tightly to the confidence you’ve had in me. The love you had for me will keep giving me strength.

What is life without love? I’ll never have to know because of you. Your love is still with me and will keep me as I do my best to put one foot in front of the other, every day.

I love you so much honey! And I’ll love you still every day until I see you again. Then my love will literally be out of this world for you.