Pride, Grief, and Self-Care
Prideful Thought (Toxic) I'm so good at self-care. I've got this.
Truth (Active Reach) The Lord gives me strength. He's the one guiding me in the right way. He is the healer.
Photo Credit: Alisa Anton on Unsplash
If you've been following the past couple of posts I've written, you'll notice a pattern for how I'm sharing my experience with pride in grief. I first write down a prideful thought I've had (which is toxic to my brain and body), and then I write a truth I keep in front of my mind. This truth is based on the Scriptures found in the Bible.
I thought I was becoming so good at self-care that I could do this alone. Without God. As if I know what I need at any given moment. (She says sarcastically). I had consumed books and books supplemented by articles and videos about how to care for oneself when dealing with extreme stress and grief. I learned that spouse loss is one of the most intensely painful experiences the human heart, mind, body, and soul can survive. I also learned that how one responds to this pain and grief is up to each person. This made me determined not to allow grief to take over the entire rest of my life. I believed I could still honor my husband, cherish our marriage, and live a healthy life. By the way, this idea felt entirely impossible at that time.
One of my essential resources on this subject was Dr. Caroline Leaf. She provided a tool people could use, now known as the Neurocycle App. Then, it was called the 21-Day Detox. It was a website I saved on my phone that I could log into. Each day, I followed a prompt based on a particular subject that I felt the Holy Spirit was leading me to address for 21 days. Each day began with prayer, and in submission to God, I could hear what He was speaking to me. Amazingly, He always provided a Scripture for me to meditate on, further affirming His truth over the lie and toxic thoughts I had believed. Lies can be so very easy to cling to in grief.
I originally wrote these reflections just over a year after my husband's death. It has since been nearly four and a half years, and even today, I am tempted just the same. I am tempted to believe that I've got this. I can easily say to myself I know how to do self-care so well that I don't need to depend on God to lead me continually. That is entirely untrue. I don't know what I need daily, but God does. Even still. I am living a whole new experience in my healing process at this stage than when I was only a year and a half removed from losing my Richie.
To give you a recent example, yesterday, I was prompted to book a massage for myself. It's been about 4-6 months since I've had a relaxation massage, so I did. All day I battled with the idea of canceling it. I thought perhaps I was doing just fine and didn't really need it. I even thought of gifting it to someone else. But, instead, I went through it and had one of the most amazing massages I've ever had. I needed that more than I knew, and the Holy Spirit knew it. My Heavenly Father was caring for me in such a restoring and tender way. I'm grateful to have gone and done what I didn't know I needed. Even though I can be so tempted to think that I can take such great care of myself, I will continue to remind myself that the Spirit of God, my Heavenly Father and Creator knows far better the care I need.
So let me encourage you. If you are picking up on an inkling inside your Spirit telling you to do something to take care of yourself (that's in agreement with the Scriptures in the Bible), lean into that. It can be easy to think of these self-care activities as selfish, frivolous, or unnecessary. Don't allow that to guilt you into not taking care of yourself.
SCRIPTURES:
“He renews my strength. He guides me along the right paths, bringing honor to his name.” - Psalms 23:3 (NLT)
“Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.” - Ephesians 4:23 (NLT)
“Never let my words leave you. Think about them and obey them. They will give life to anyone who understands them. And they will give health to their whole body. Be careful how you think. Your thoughts make you the person that you are.” - Proverbs 4:21-23 EASY