Sneaky Confusion
Toxic Thought: Confusion is such a subtle, sneaky intruder.
Truth: The Word and Spirit of God in me can tell me when confusion attempts to infiltrate again. I can hone in and tune my ears to know when the warning sirens are going off inside my spirit, alerting me to confusion sneaking in. I am not ill-equipped but rather most qualified and fully equipped because of the Holy Spirit in me. I am not unaware of the enemy's schemes.
Confusion can sneak in through our unmet expectations. Often, we're entirely unaware of our own expectations in life. So, when we need clarity about what's happening, sometimes we need help pinpointing why.
The moment when confusion appears, we have a couple of choices to make. We can become deeply frustrated (rooted in anger), anxious (rooted in fear), or curious. Curiosity allows for neutrality in a situation. If I'm curious, I become open and searching. This provides room for a broader perspective. It gives space for discovering something, something that may initially be shrouded in all kinds of pain-filled emotions.
If we struggle to choose curiosity about the thing that's confusing us, we can do a couple of things about it. We can talk to a counselor, therapist, trusted friend, or family member. We could talk with all these people, to a few or just one. Any combination of these folks can quickly change how we feel about what we're going through. We can also consult Scripture. We can pray about it and ask God to show us His perspective. This right here is the most effective method to take. Talk to God first; be honest, raw, and authentic when talking with him (whether in your heart or out loud), and ask Him for His way of seeing things. He will answer you. He may not answer you internally the way you might...expect. He may answer you in those conversations with your trusted people. He may answer you in a scene in a movie. He may answer you in a song you hear. He may answer you in a dream at night. He is God and fully capable of walking with you in this life, should you invite Him to.
He has a way of recalibrating us.
I have experienced moments of intense confusion, given my expectations of life. I expected to be married at twenty-three and live the rest of my life with my husband until we passed away in our old age, hand-in-hand. I expected to have a family with him, raise kiddos, and live a life of travel and adventure. I hoped we would have a ministry together. I expected we would love people, encourage them, and build them up. I expected our marriage was our ministry and would glorify God everywhere we went. I expected I would be laughing with my handsome Dominican for the rest of my days, enjoying the delights of my heart with him. I expected to care for our families and our parents as they aged. I expected an entire life with the one man God had designed for me.
My life did not meet that expectation.
We were happily married for many years. We struggled in a couple of ways. We wanted to have children, but after years of trying, it didn't happen for us. Anyone who knew him knew that he was built to be a Dad. Even with that, it still didn't happen. We struggled with health. He began exhibiting complications from his Gastric Bypass (Rouen-y) surgery about six years post-surgery. His digestive system wasn't working well in breaking down any alcohol he had. This gradually and also quickly turned into a whole fight against addiction. He was as shocked about this as any of us were. He was the last person to deal with this particular issue. It was perplexing. After only five years of dealing with this struggle, it claimed his life. All of our expectations for life and what it would be were obliterated. I felt the deep pull downward to despair in my confusion.
I cried out to Jesus. He answered me.
I believe with all my heart that this brokenness and pain is not what God wanted for us. I believe God designed me for Rich and Rich for me. I think we live in a challenging and broken world. I believe Jesus is the way. He shows us how to live in this place with life, joy, and peace. He made the way for us not to become destroyed by the world. He made a way for us to gain an eternal perspective, remembering that this world is temporary. He shows us how we can care about what matters and lasts forever in a temporary environment. The things that matter are here, in front of us. They are people. Our relationships last forever, and as we care for them, we can invest in what really matters.
Yes, my Honey Bunny is no longer here on the earth with me. He is, however, with the Father God and among those we love who are no longer here. I get to see and know Rich in Heaven because of our relationship here. THAT, I am clear on and so grateful for.
The people who are in your life on earth are people you can continue to build relationships with in Heaven. Be mindful of the treasures you have here, those are the treasures stored up in Heaven.
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"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
"and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth."
"Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil."