Confusion: How Are You Not Here?
Confused Thought: How am I here and Rich isn't? It's so painful.
Truth: God is with me. He is also with Rich where he is. Rich is alive; he's just in another space of existence. One day, I will go to him and be where he is.
I trust you God. I put my hope in you.
Photo by Josh Gordon on Unsplash
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Today, I want to begin with scripture.
"And everything I've taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!"
"He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive."
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. "– Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
Hope. We have a hope that this world doesn't offer. Our hope is in our God and King. He shows us there is more to this life than what we can see in front of our faces or experience with our touch. There is a life that far exceeds the here and now. In this hope, I know that I will see the love of my life again one day. I can rest in God, knowing He gives me the courage and peace to live each day.
As painful as this is, missing Rich every day (I even dreamt of him last night), I have this unique hope that fills my heart, mind, and soul. This hope I have can only come from God.
In my senses, I feel the severed connection. I am here, and Rich is not. He is in an entirely different place I cannot access right now. Sometimes, I feel that separation so viscerally; I can feel it from head to toe that Rich isn't in this world. He had such an unmistakably unique thumbprint on earth, especially in my world. It is as though I'm living in an alternate reality. All at the same time, I know that Rich is alive, well, at peace, and happy. I know his spirit continues to exist and is active. I feel that, too. I'm straddled in between parallel universes. The one where I am and the one where he is.
And in all of this, I must make a daily choice. Where am I going to live? Which universe will I put my energy into? The one where I am right now, and he is not, or the one where he is and I am not. Every day, I must choose. Now, this doesn't mean I need to ignore his existence when I focus on being where I am. This means I hold the hope in my heart that Rich is still alive and thriving somewhere with God. I will see him again one day. That hope gives me the freedom to live where I am today, with God, and for this, I am eternally grateful.