Words Don’t Work
An ironic thought, especially since I'm writing using words. So, please, allow me to briefly elaborate.
On October 17th, 2018 my most favorite human, my beloved husband left this earth. It was far too soon for all of us who know and love him. This past Thursday signified the one year mark since he's no longer here. Part of me wanted to say something about his amazingness and the beautiful life we lived together, the wonderful and incredible man he is and still, I couldn't bear to review the "1 year ago today" reminders on social media. It took me the majority of the day to build up the bravery to even open up anything on my phone reminding me of those moments.
Silence was, for me, the only appropriate response.
Silence was a disagreement with what happened. It served as saying enough without saying anything. It felt like the most appropriate non-response for me on Oct 17th this year. Words were not enough. They failed. And they may always fail to express how I really feel about my Richie no longer being here with me right now. And that's okay. It's important for me to be honest about these things and honor where I am in my heart and soul at any given moment. We each handle pain, loss, and love in a myriad of ways. I'm grateful for this wonderful variety. Once I was able to muster up a quick moment of strength enough to quickly check notifications, I read a dear friend's beautiful post about my amazing man, and it ministered to my soul. They were words I needed to read but couldn't articulate myself. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful there are so many of us who have loved Rich Duran. So many who can share in the joy of life with him in lots of great ways. We all get to share in a common love and joy of knowing him. We get to share and remember so many wonderful moments with him too. These are the treasures Rich has given us and we can pull them up anytime we need to, we can call on one another and ask for stories when we need to. We can remember his wild and crazy antics then laugh together about them when we need to.
We carry one another in this life and as we continue learning how to share our energies on working through the unfortunate change of losing him, rather than trying to make sense of it, we will manage to make it all the way to the day when we get to see him again. And oh, the celebration it will be!