Thank God

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Thank God, my Lord, and Savior that I can even have a thankful thought in this life. Given the pain I have experienced, this alone shows me that gratitude is a gift from God and is definitely not from this world. There's no way I'd be able to have any form of gratitude if I relied on the world and its methods.

If you'd told me two years ago, when I was only 7 weeks into my new widowhood grief journey, I could have this kind of gratitude, I'd never have believed you. Everything felt excruciating, from waking up in the morning to laying my head down at night. My heart and soul were a giant raw and open wound. Everything hurt. All. The. Time. I knew even then, this couldn't be sustainable. There was no way I would be able to live the rest of my life in that degree and depth of pain. I'd be no good to anyone like that. Recognizing this feeling showed me, healing is not only possible, but it is a must.

I began doing what I could do; take it a moment at a time. I started noticing the littlest things in my day for which I can express gratitude. I woke up and started with the first things out of my mouth: "Good morning Father, good morning Lord Jesus, good morning Holy Spirit. Thank you for a new day, for new beginnings and new mercies.". Following this, I started looking around me and expressing gratitude for lots of things. The bed I had to sleep in, the home I could live in, the heating and air in my house, the indoor plumbing, my precious dog, Cooper. I thanked Rich for the life he gave me and the love he poured out from his heart. The gratitude began rolling off my tongue from my thoughts and heart. Even when I didn’t “feel” grateful every time, I still spoke these words daily. These practical expressions of thankfulness have helped me tremendously and more than I think I may realize. Daily, they stack upon each other and seem to have grown into something new for me today. Now, I am genuinely grateful for the bigger things connected to the pain I have experienced.

Oh, the moment I met my hubby, Rich. I'm thankful for the memory of our first meeting and that it is etched into my mind. I'm grateful to God for leading Rich to move into the area I was living in at the time, so we could cross paths for those short 5 weeks he was living in a house where my best friend's fiancé was living. I'm grateful to God for being involved in the details of bringing the most handsome delight into my life and introducing us. I know, without a doubt, our relationship is fully accredited to God directing our steps. We thought we were experiencing inconveniences. Little did we know, God was setting us up in this life. He always knew. And He brought us together. Had it not been for the extravagant joy and love we had, I would not be who I am today.

Thank God for the love I've known, the life I've lived, and the treasures I have in my heart today because of it all. Love, hardships, and loss, everything has participated in forming and molding me into the woman I am now. I am different than I was before. I'm grateful for that too. I will continue to change and morph. It's such a good thing, and I am grateful.